Today’s theme is turning out to be: Sex and Tennis. Please let the theme continue! I really hope a locker room sex tape starring Feliciano Lopez and Fernando Verdasco leaks. (Yes, I had no idea who those two were until four seconds ago after Googling, “Who are the hottest tennis pieces?“)
Not that the possibility of being a child support check provider to an Instagram model was on his mind, but now it’s really not on Drake’s mind. Because Drake is too busy taking a crash-course training in how to be a birth coach and nanny now that his one-time boo is knocked up. As Beyonce grows the newest holy messiahs in her womb, Serena Williams is growing the future ruler of tennis in her body.
Serena didn’t exactly say that a jizz fish shooting out of Alexis Onahian, her Reddit co-founder fiancé, successfully headbutted its way into one of her ovary eggs. But she did post this picture on Snapchat along with the caption “20 weeks.” I don’t think she means that the Chipolte burrito she had 20 weeks ago still hasn’t digested.
— EntertainmentTonight (@etnow) April 19, 2017
Serena deleted that Snap, but TMZ’s sources say that she’s not trolling and that 35-year-old Serena and her 33-year-old man really are going to be parents. And today is Maria Sharapova’s birthday. Serena should get another trophy for that move.
This means that Serena Williams was pregnant when she won the Australian Open in January. Serena pulled out of tournaments in Indian Wells and Miami last month. But I don’t think she’s going to pull out of future tournaments. I’m sure Serena’s unborn baby is already a tennis master, so the two of them are going to compete as doubles partners. Brace yourselves for the sight of Serena’s unborn baby serving the hell out of a tennis baby as the kid’s arm hangs out of her cooch.