‘I, like, God, I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it,’ the ‘everything i wanted’ singer opens up in ‘The Gayle King Grammy Special’.
Billie Eilish gets candid during her appearance on “The Gayle King Grammy Special” which aired on Thursday night, January 23 on CBS. The Grammy nominee told the host about her mental health struggle that made her have suicidal thoughts back in 2018.
“I was so unhappy last year,” the “bad guy” hitmaker shared. “I was so unhappy and I was so, like, joyless.”
Gayle later explained that “fame had taken a heavy toll” on the 18-year-old super star. “She couldn’t go out in public without being recognized and most of her friends, unable to relate to Billie’s new pop star status, had drifted away. Lonely and isolated, she fell into a clinical depression,” Gayle continued.
In response, Billie said. “I don’t want to be dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I would, like, make it to, like 17.” She then opened up about her dark moment in Berlin, when she was alone in a hotel room. “I think about this one time I was in Berlin, and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was, like, a window right there,” she shared.
“I, like, God, I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it,” she admitted, adding that the line “I wanna end me,” in her song titled “bury a friend,” used to have a literal meaning.
“You know, there’s a lyric in one of your songs where you talk about the end of me. When I heard that, I thought, ‘God, I wonder if Billie was talking about herself,’ ” Gayle said, to which the singer responded, “I was.” Billie then tried to the mood by saying that was not the only reason, explaining, “It also rhymed.”
Thankfully, Billie is in a much better place now. The musician, who is nominated for six Grammy awards this year, always tried to encourage her fans who had the same struggle not to give up on life. “I just grab them by the shoulders, and I’m like, ‘Please, take care of yourself, and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further,” Billie stated. “You can’t take it back.”
“The Gayle King Grammy Special” aired Thursday, January 23 at 10 P.M. on CBS.