If you hear celebratory music in the hills of Vancouver today, it’s because Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are glad the British press are off their ass and back on Prince Andrew during their ongoing game of headline hot potato. Yesterday, we learned that U.S. attorneys and the FBI stood in front of Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan mansion to call Andrew a liar, liar, pants on fire. The fallen prince had promised to cooperate with all law enforcement agencies after Big Mama, aka THE QUEEN, reportedly chucked his ass out of royal duties after giving an awful interview about his friendship with Jeffrey and accusations that Virginia Giuffre, one of Epstein’s sex trafficking victims, was forced to have sex with him. But now Andrew says the FBI is full of shit and that his offer to help still stands – they just have to pick up the phone first.
The Telegraph says Prince Andrew does NOT like holding the headline hot potato, and Tuesday night was more than ready to get back to our regularly scheduled programming of “SELFISH MEGHAN WANTS TO RETURN TO ACTING!” Alas, Andrew showed he’s still a royal by having anonymous snitches do the work for him. Sources close to him blabbed that he’s “angry and bewildered” by the American accusations since he’s still allegedly willing to help:
“Nothing could be further from the truth. The Duke is more than happy to talk to the FBI but he hasn’t been approached by them yet. He is angry about the way this is being portrayed and bewildered as to why this was said in New York. It seems certain people are jumping the gun.”
OK, so somebody isn’t telling the truth here and, given Andrew’s wobbly pizza party alibi, I think I know who I’m more inclined to believe.
Andrew’s team is claiming the FBI never reached out. The FBI claims they did. Then, another source claims they reached out directly rather than going the normal, long-ass route of touching base with the U.S. Embassy.
Prince Andrew’s snitches claim he is still trying to be a good boy and help since his mother has had a tough year, with Harry and Meghan and Prince Philipp being practically 900. Andrew was supposed to be the favorite son, after all! That said, it seems like QE2’s people are stepping away from this turd:
But while the Queen is said to be concerned about her son, palace aides were quick to distance her from the ongoing crisis, pointing out that the Duke was no longer a working royal and was effectively operating in silo.
“Whether or not he cooperates with the FBI is a matter for Prince Andrew and his lawyers alone,” one said firmly.
Andrew, it doesn’t sound like you’ll be getting a callback for royal duties anytime soon – even for that corgi pooper scooper job you saw listed on LinkedIn.