QAnon acolyte who became the face of Jan. 6 is sentenced to 41 months in prison
One of the most enduring images of Jan. 6, 2021 is that of a bellowing weirdo in bizarre makeup who liked to wrap himself in the flag and spew barmy nonsense about a stolen election, and who was determined to stop the counting of electoral votes by any means necessary—even if it meant he gravely embarrassed himself in front of the entire planet.
But enough about Donald Trump. This story is about one of his more “colorful” acolytes, the so-called QAnon Shaman, Jacob Chansley. I don’t even know why I mentioned that other fuckhead.
The last we saw of Chansley, he was complaining about being served nonorganic food in stir. Now the hammer has come down in the form of a 41-month prison sentence for his role in the Jan. 6 Capitol riot.
Jacob Chansley, 34, from Phoenix, Arizona, pleaded guilty in September to one felony count of obstruction for his role in trying to block the counting of the 2020 Electoral College votes. He faced a maximum of 20 years in prison on the charge, but federal prosecutors sought a sentence of 51 months, the longest requested sentence in a January 6 investigation to date.
U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth handed down the 41-month sentence in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia on Wednesday. He also sentenced Chansley to three years probation once he’s released.
In sentencing Chansley to prison time, Lamberth said he thought Chansley was “genuine in your remorse” but said the severity of his crime warranted the sentence.
While Chansley was front and center—and rockin’ his Teutonic glad rags—during one of the most shameful chapters in U.S. history, he looked a bit different (and sounded a bit less brash) as he appeared in court on Wednesday. He wore a green prison jumpsuit and expressed remorse for his actions.
“I was wrong for entering the Capitol. I have no excuse,” he told Lamberth. At the same time, he seemed keen to soft-pedal what he’d done—or at least burnish his awful reputation. “I am in no way, shape or form a dangerous criminal,” he said. “I am not a violent man. I am not an insurrectionist. I am certainly not a domestic terrorist. I am nothing like these criminals that I have been incarcerated with.”
Hmm. Actually, ya are, Chachi. That’s why you’re going inside. As far as I know, none of those “dangerous” criminals tried to shiv democracy itself.
On the bright side, Chansley has now disavowed both QAnon and Donald Trump’s phantasmagorical “theories”—publicly, anyway. Although his apparent epiphany came after he petitioned Trump for a presidential pardon, and prosecutors were in no mood to downplay any of this. On the contrary, Assistant U.S. Attorney Kimberly Paschall was eager to send a message: “Don’t think the justice system will sit idly by when you attempt to end that peaceful transfer of power,” she said.
Yeah, that’s what this is all about. Unfortunately, the real villain of Jan. 6—the one who made Chansley’s lengthy incarceration and Ashli Babbitt’s tragic death possible—remains at large. In fact, he’s reloading his political operation while giving goofy, lie-filled interviews to super special pillow magnates.
That’s the guy who attempted to end the peaceful transfer of power. In fact, he’s still doing it. Someone go after that ridiculous cosplaying ex-pr*sident, please. Because if he’s still running free in 2024, it won’t just be the walls of the U.S. Capitol that are smeared in feces. The whole country will be a hog-shit lagoon—and we know exactly which pig will be wallowing therein.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.