Breaking: Melania Trump and Ron Johnson hook up in Moscow


According to my unreliable sources, Melania Trump and Ron Johnson have hooked up in Moscow. I was surprised to hear this. I mean, it’s not even the 4th of July yet. I was wondering what Melania was doing in Ukraine posing in military uniform and holding an AK-47. At first, I thought she was hawking her new NFT for Ukrainian “foster homes for children.” After all, she really does care about children in need. Do you?

But seriously, I admire Melania Trump. She is fluent in five different currencies. Melania knows how to translate besos to Pesos. I only speak English and Spanish. I don’t speak a word of German. But while in Munich on business many years ago, I found the German women to be very nice and friendly. Every time I asked for their phone number, I found it strange that they all had the same phone number, and it always started with 999! Not sure why they yelled the number at me.

But I digress, so let me get back to my story about Melania and Ron Johnson in Moscow together. While they were unavailable for comment, my unreliable source was able to quickly film them having dinner together at a nice Russian restaurant. I could tell that Melania seemed tired after her long flight from Miami to Moscow.



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