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Sunday Sermonette: Dead Kids R Us. A New Motto for America


Today’s sermonette is drawn from the Book of Bushisms, the words of that famous former POTUS from Texas where they know a thing or two about mass shootings. Bush once said: “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, that is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.”

Those weren’t just idle words. Gun laws in Bush’s home state have ensured a higher ratio of shooting fatalities to non-fatalities since then.

If past is prologue regarding how we respond to children being gunned down in our nation’s schools, we can reasonably expect that nothing is likely to happen that will prevent many more such incidents like this week’s horror in Uvalde, Texas. And, since we cannot or will not control access to military-style weaponry by people intent on killing lots of other people, including kids, then we really need to look at what we actually can accomplish. It just doesn’t make us look good to continue standing around with our thumbs up our asses in the face of this emerging American fad that has become such a tradition.

Dead kids R Us? Maybe we could put that on our currency. Hell, if we got rid of the filibuster, we could probably get a bipartisan vote to pass it.

We need to come up with some new ways to formalize our responses to these frequent losses of children and other groups so frequently targeted by mad men with enormous fire power. We can’t have our presidents spending so much time flying around, placing wreaths, and hugging crying mothers. They have other work to do, and mourning dead shooting victims has become almost a full-time job. Maybe we need to create a new cabinet-level post headed by someone experienced at feeling the recurring pain of Americans. Former presidents could serve once more since most of them have experience with such funerals. Clinton, Bush, and Obama might be good at it. Bush might mangle the words on occasion, but the public is inclined to give him props for having his heart in the right place. Clinton would be especially good at it since he is remembered for telling folks how he could feel their pain. Obama, too, seemed especially empathetic. Maybe we could replace the ironically named Department of Homeland Security with a new cabinet called The Department of National Grieving and Healing. What greater need is there? It could be staffed with social workers and psychologists trained in handing out condolences and maybe hankies with the presidential seal at all the funerals of those lost.

Perhaps the private sector can rise to the reality of constant gun deaths to serve the market for bumper stickers. Bumper stickers that read “My Child is an Honor Student at (Name of School Here)” could be augmented by a line of bumper stickers that read: “My Child is a Dead Honor Roll Student from (Name of School Here). That is definitely an untapped market. Have we forgotten that the first rule of capitalist entrepreneurialism is to find a need and fill it?

Perhaps, too, the Yankee Candle Company or one of those other candle outfits could come up with a line of special School Shooting candles for all those vigils held to honor victims of mass shooters. It’s a market just waiting to be tapped, and customers would appreciate not having to use leftover birthday candles that just aren’t appropriate for such occasions.

And where are our spiritual leaders? Given the fact that there were no rifles of any kind when the Bible was written, there’s nothing in that book specifically frowning upon shooting lots of people, including kids. Maybe it has been assumed that “thou shalt not kill” covered the matter, but it doesn’t. Obviously.

How hard would it be for some of our modern theologians to come up with some new prayers or hymns targeted at the specific grief of the ever-increasing number of family and friends mourning those struck down by mass shooters with military-grade weaponry. Some of those new hymns might even lessen some of the grief with musical reminders of how those kids and teachers had gone to glory.

Of course, the gun industry and the NRA have lost no time exploiting these shootings. Every time the liberal media starts up their pathetic calls for some kind of gun control, those outfits and their political operatives automatically put out the call for more donations. So, maybe it’s time the culture at large came up with some adaptations that would better prepare us for these inevitable days of despair that are sure to come.

We ask this in thy name, O Lord.


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And now, though Trump cannot possible bestow “honour” on anything, you might watch this video below, if you can stomach it. Listen to the mispronunciations, stay for the little dance, then get thee to the vomitorium.


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