Every day it seems that the nation wakes up asking itself; “Is there anything Ted Cruz could do to make himself a bigger asshole?” And, Ted, using that “genius” intellect that we’re assured he possesses, finds a way to raise the bar. Yes, yes, he can do something to make himself a bigger asshole.
Let’s set this out as we lead up to Ted’s tweet.
Jason Bourne is not a real person. He is a fictional character from a fictional world. Matt Damon is a great actor and seems like a great guy, but he’s not Jason Bourne and Damon has never worked in the CIA and never fired a gun in anger. He spends more time talking about kids than movies, never mind intelligence.
So speaking of intelligence, why would Ted Cruz say that America has come a long way from “Jason Borne”? If Cruz had to say something, and apparently he did, he could have referenced a “real” CIA legend. Everyone knows about Billy Waugh, a fifty-year agent who downed “Carlos the Jackal” and was one of the first on the ground post-911 to look for Bin Laden. But Ted didn’t use a real person, he used a movie character.
And to make it worse, Ted “went there” as a means to slam the CIA’s efforts to expand the pool of talent that exists all over the United States, so as to include a Hispanic cisgender in a new recruiting video. We are certainly not intelligence officers, nor even that intelligent, but with the problems in the world today, if we were trying to investigate something below the radar, it seems like a Hispanic woman would be a necessary team member all over the place.
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So Ted is just being a complete dick. Again.
If you’re a Chinese communist, or an Iranian Mullah, or Kim Jong Un…would this scare you?
We’ve come a long way from Jason Bourne. https://t.co/HW8Eh9UdXa
See? Let’s answer his question, if we were Chinese or whomever (Notice Ted didn’t include Russia? They never do anymore. Russia is a MAGA friend) if we were an adversary. Yes, we damned we would be scared of a woman with elite training and commitment as an American intelligence officer, one who doesn’t “look” like the movie character. Because life isn’t a movie!
Ted. Got. Ripped.
1) Jason Bourne is a fictional character
2) The president you shilled for is Kim Jong Un’s best buddy and said they ‘fell in love’ https://t.co/0iRzm57Hqf
— Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan) May 4, 2021
Ted Cruz thinking Jason Bourne is *anything* like what the vast majority of CIA officers actually do is so comical that it’s actually sad.
— Angry Staffer (@Angry_Staffer) May 4, 2021
Maybe Jason Bourne was on assignment in Cancun…
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) May 4, 2021
Jason Bourne is a fictional character, dolt. https://t.co/6RYp5mpk6b
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) May 4, 2021
Jason Bourne is a fictional character who illegally assassinated people after being programmed to do so through torture. Also, guys who flee their state to go to Mexico during an ice storm because it’s mildly inconvenient should just take a seat on “toughness” #FatWolverine
— Fred Wellman (@FPWellman) May 4, 2021
Hey, moron: “Jason Bourne” is imaginary – like your conscience https://t.co/lAfPbP7RAl
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) May 4, 2021
— Jake Lobin (@JakeLobin) May 4, 2021
Jason Bourne may not be real, but Naveed Jamali is — and this brown, first generation, and non-traditional former spy bested the best Russia could throw at us. So I’d say people like me can be plenty dangerous to our adversaries, Ted.
— Naveed Jamali (@NaveedAJamali) May 4, 2021
Interesting that you didn’t say anything about Russia 🤔
FYI Jason Bourne is a movie based on a book not reality
Fictional character Jason Bourne would have NEVER left anyone behind, freezing in Texas, to go stay at the cushy Ritz Carlton in Cancun, you jackass.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) May 4, 2021
— Washington Post TikTok Guy 🕺🏼 (@davejorgenson) May 4, 2021
We wonder what he’ll come up with tomorrow.