Free beer! White House partners with Anheuser-Busch on vax promotion, because Joe is serious, y’all

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Even though Donald Trump would have you believe that he created mRNA technology all by himself (after all, his uncle was really smart—a professor at MIT—so Trump understands this stuff), he didn’t seem to have a lot of interest in encouraging people to get the COVID-19 vaccine.

Sure, he endorsed it, but in the same way he endorses other things that might run afoul of his most ardent followers’ conspiracy-addled lemur brains—limply, and infrequently. He wants all the credit for the vaccines, but he doesn’t seem too invested in getting them into people, where they can do the most good. This was never more apparent than when the COVID-19 Kid got vaccinated himself. He did it in secret … because he’s a sociopath. After all, very few people like Trump to begin with, so he can’t afford to let even one fervent Q-Nut drop from the wacky tree.

But Joe Biden wants to save lives. He even wants to save the lives of people who think he’s somehow both a doddering, senile old man and a diabolical mastermind hoping to inject us with nanobots that will alter our DNA and, with a quick CTRL+Alt+Delete from Bill Gates’ laptop, turn us all into obeisant thralls with flipper arms and an unslakable thirst for unnecessarily complicated baby’s blood Starbucks orders. (You don’t need salted caramel on that; it’s already plenty salty, dude.)

Case in point: The White House has struck a deal with the world’s largest brewer, which has pledged to give away beer if we reach our national goal of getting 70% of us vaccinated.

Free beer, dude. Free beer!

The Hill:

Anheuser-Busch, the maker of Budweiser, said Wednesday that it will give away free beers once the United States reaches President Biden’s goal of 70 percent of adults with at least one vaccine dose.

Dressed in shirtsleeves and braces, a drinker in a Paris cafe enjoys an enormous mug of beer.   (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

The partnership with the White House from the brewer is the latest incentive aimed at getting more people vaccinated, as states have turned to everything from L.L. Bean gift cards to lottery drawings for vaccinated people.

Once the U.S. reaches the 70 percent mark, people can upload a photo of themselves “in their favorite place to grab a beer,” at MyCooler.com/Beer and the first 200,000 people will get a “$5.00 digital pre-paid card” that can be used to buy an Anheuser-Busch product. Seltzers and other drinks will also be available.

Even a rock-ribbed libertarian who thinks government does nothing well outside of covering up insurrections that everyone saw with their own eyes has to recognize the value in this.

It’s free fucking beer!

Honestly, it’s not the beer itself that’s encouraging to me. Personally, Anheuser-Busch products aren’t my idea of quality, but that’s just me. 

In fact, Monty Python’s Eric Idle summed up my feelings about Bud Light long ago:

But this shows that President Biden is serious about helping all Americans pull through this, whether they’re liberal craft beer drinkers or conservative Bud Light drinkers. Contrast that with the Trump administration, which reportedly shelved an aggressive COVID-19 testing and contact-tracing plan early last year because most of the coronavirus deaths were clustered in blue states at the time. No, really. Remember this?

Vanity Fair:

Most troubling of all, perhaps, was a sentiment the expert said a member of Kushner’s team expressed: that because the virus had hit blue states hardest, a national plan was unnecessary and would not make sense politically. “The political folks believed that because it was going to be relegated to Democratic states, that they could blame those governors, and that would be an effective political strategy,” said the expert.

That logic may have swayed Kushner. “It was very clear that Jared was ultimately the decision maker as to what [plan] was going to come out,” the expert said.

Sometimes, in moments of silent reverie, I briefly forget how eye-bleedingly godawful the Trump administration was—and then I read ghastly shit like that.

But now we have a president who cares more about saving lives than tweaking the adorable noses of QAnons and assorted anti-vaxxers. It’s refreshing. Almost as refreshing as a cold one.

So cheers, all. I’ll be fully vaxxed (two weeks past the second shot) on Friday. I may hoist one myself. But, to be honest, it will probably be an Oregon craft beer. 

 

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE. 

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